102. Becky: The Best Option - LIFE!

Becky's story is familiar: striving to be loved. This internal desire is in every human because we are made in the image of God. This internal desire often times translates as an external struggle trying to find love in all the wrong places. Becky shares her journey of trying to be loved but it fell short every time. In this episode, you will hear Becky's honest story and struggle of choosing death but finding life for real. The journey back home into the loving arms of Jesus is coming as you are because His love is as big as outstretched arms showing you forgiveness, mercy and grace.

Contact Becky at:
becky@realoptions.net
or
hope@realoptions.net

The Permission 2 Grieve Podcast

Transcript

102. Becky

Jack: [00:00:00] Jesus in My Life, Episode 102. 

Becky: Over half the church right now has had an abortion, just over half 

Jack: the church 

Becky: and right now there are more Christians having abortions than people who don't identify as a Christian right now. Especially in California. Welcome

Jack: to Jesus in my life, a podcast with Robin Jack. We interview everyday people, me and you, about their extraordinary experiences with our savior, Jesus Christ. Welcome to another episode of Jesus in my life podcast as your host, Robin Jack. Jack with my cohost 

Rob: Rob. Hey, everybody. We are so glad to be with you today.

And Jack, just like every episode, thankful that God connected us to our guest today. 

Jack: Yeah, absolutely. And today on the show, we have Becky. Becky is the director of the hope program at real options. It's a reproductive health facility in the Bay area of California. And I think you [00:01:00] guys, maybe you have you, you have a satellite?

Places around the 

Becky: five locations all over the Bay Area. Okay. We're serving five counties. So yes. Awesome. 

Jack: Awesome. She's also the host of the permission to grieve podcast, which you can check it out. Any podcast provider out there. , I met Becky. Oh, goodness, six plus years ago when I was still living in the Bay Area, a friend of mine connected me with real options.

I don't know how I ended up there or what I did with real options, but I met Becky and she left an impact on me. And yeah, I just love which how God is using her in the reproductive health. And so we're going to dive into your story, Becky, welcome to the show. 

Becky: Thank you. It is such an honor to be here.

Thank you so much for inviting me. I love talking about myself more, and I love talking about Jesus. So I'm just going to tell you a little bit about how I started. I grew up actually in a Christian home actually here Citrus Heights, Roseville area. It was very tumultuous. My dad You had a very [00:02:00] horrible childhood.

And then with that, he didn't understand boundaries. So through my life boundaries were always crossed with my dad. I'm not necessarily sexually. I think there was more of a, he just didn't understand cause he himself didn't have them. And as you grow up, you think, Oh, this is just a normal family.

Cause you don't really compare it to anything else. And I remember all of a sudden it hit me as I got into my Teenage years, I'm like, we're really dysfunctional, you know, there was a sexual abuse that happened very early in my childhood through a cousin. So my innocence was taken very early. I wish I could say, I was innocent, but I wasn't. And I blocked that out, honestly, from about, I started around three and it ended around nine. And then as I got into my teenage, I was teenage years, I was radical for Jesus. I was one of those [00:03:00] that carried on my Bible. I told everyone about who he was and, but then I remember even I went to three Bible colleges.

Two of them were here. And then I remember going to Portland and after I was done with all of them, I got into a relationship that I shouldn't have gotten into. He was not a Christian and I realized why I chose him. I think there was just a lot of unhealed trauma from my dad. I remember actually dating men even before them and all of them were punks and they were Christians.

And I just remember I'm attracting the same kind of man. And I remember this guy that I was dating I still had my virginity intact by then. Still, even though there was still a lot of sexual abuse, I still had that. And one day I [00:04:00] was just in a place. I shouldn't have been, and I was sexually assaulted and he took that away from me.

I was at the wrong place, wrong time with the wrong guy, you know, and when that happened, I was broken. And I even remember when that happened and literally leading worship that same day. Yeah. At my church. And I started having sex with him after that. It was kind of like, well, it happened. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. You know, so I'll just continue to have sex with him and I'd still lead worship at my church and I remember even I'd, I would have sex and then I'd go to church and I'd have tears streaming down my face as I'm playing the piano and God's coming and I'm like, I'm such a hypocrite father. And I remember people would come up and be like, that was the most amazing service.

Becky, God just showed up and I'm thinking. Well, Lord, I, I remember that scripture that says our gifts are without repentance. And so I was like, [00:05:00] well, thank you. And just being very the fear of God, like, Lord, please don't kill me. I was thinking, you know, but I realized as I was kept having sex with him, I really didn't like the dude.

Honestly, and my heart kept getting harder and harder and harder. So I, actually just kind of left him, didn't really care and I stopped caring about myself. And that's when I, I call it to my dark ages. I knew Jesus sat on the throne. I knew who he was but I was like, Lord, I'm going to do my own thing.

And so that's what I did. I just started 

Jack: around. How old were you at this point in time? 

Becky: This all happened about. 22, 

Jack: 23. 

Becky: The sexual assault happened around 23 and that's when I really I call it, I started running and she started chasing me. That's when the true love story thing started happening and I was really promiscuous, partying a lot.[00:06:00] 

I will never forget. I was probably around 28.

It's couch surfing. I was still with my roommate kind of. And I had gotten pregnant by a guy. I barely knew didn't really even like the dude. Honestly, he was just, you know, he'll do. 

Various: Yeah. So 

Becky: I remember when I got pregnant, I remember taking the pregnancy test in a subway right. Or actually 

Jack: like a subway restaurant.

Yes. Subway. Okay. Okay. And 

Becky: Being seeing it and like, I'm pregnant and I remember being myself and being really excited about him. Like, oh my gosh, I'm pregnant. And I go out to tell my boyfriend. I said, listen, I'm pregnant. He goes, no, no. And all of a sudden he just starts crying. He already had a little girl of his own and he's like, we have to get an abortion.

You're going to get an abortion. And I just remember thinking, no, I don't want to have an abortion, but he just kept just [00:07:00] nailing, you need to get an abortion, you need to get an abortion. And I remember thinking, okay, so he somehow got into my head. So I made this plan. I decided to tell everyone. That I already had a miscarriage and then I made an appointment on that Tuesday because it was on a Friday.

I'm gonna make this appointment to get an abortion on Tuesday. So I already called everyone. It's like five of them. I had a miscarriage. Cuz I already told everyone about it. Yeah, right. They're like, oh Becky. I'm so sorry. Like it's okay, you know. Life goes on. So that whole weekend had the whole plan. And I remember Tuesday morning showed up.

I was spinning the night with my boyfriend. I woke up, he was gaming, he was on playing something. And I remember I went outside to have a smoke. I was a really heavy smoker and I started smoking. And I was on the stairs and as I was on the stairs, I [00:08:00] see all of a sudden out of the blue, a little girl, she had, she's about two years old.

She had this little belly toddler belly. And I'm, I'm buttoning up her sweater over her belly. And she's looking down. I didn't see her face. And she had these little ringlets and I go, Oh, and I seem like that's, what's growing inside me. That's her. And I knew it was something super, like I got a supernatural ultrasound.

Like that's, that's what's growing inside me. And so. I immediately threw out my cigarette. I went inside, I see him and I said, listen, I know what's going inside me. I cannot have this abortion and I need you to cancel it. And he goes, no. And I remember him. Chasing me through the parking lot, pulling me by the hair, trying to get me back into the car to get me to get to that abortion.

Yeah. And, , after [00:09:00] that, and then I canceled it, something happened, but then like four weeks, It was like him chasing me, holding me hostage, telling his parents, like I was beating him, having police call me. It was like the parents would call, harass me, you need to get an abortion. What are you doing?

You're a loser and everything. And so. It happened for months and I, all of a sudden I realized I'm like, okay, I cannot live with this man anymore. I cannot deal with this man. So I remember I was probably six months, seven months pregnant. And I called him up and I said, Hey, listen, I'm going to let you go.

God bless you. I'm not going to ask for a dime, just go and have your life and you know, I'm going to never see you again. I'm going to put in disclosed my birth certificate. I'm going to raise this baby on my own [00:10:00] and he goes, okay. And I never talked to him again, gave birth to a beautiful girl. Her name was Zoe and I put in disclosed on my birth certificate.

And I remember bringing her home and it was like, I wasn't, I didn't go into it, but I was a missionary in Japan. I had led worship in many churches. I had done all these things. And now I'm a single mom, the father is gone. I'm on welfare. I'm I have no car. I have nothing. I'm living with my grandma and looking at my daughter and I had already experienced so much rejection in my life in that moment.

And then looking at my daughter and thinking, Oh, my gosh, she has experienced so much rejection, so much rejection in her life. And she's just a few days old. No one's even known her. And I just saw this connection [00:11:00] between me and her all of a sudden, like, you're my daughter. You're my flesh and blood, but I love you for this connection that we have.

And I'm going to raise you on my, all on my own. And that's what I did. And I remember when Zoe was around nine months old, I remember one night I really wanted to get out. So I'm like, I need to get out. I found some friends. We're going to go to Tahoe. We're going to have fun. We're going to go drinking and.

I, I don't know what I was thinking. I remember I met the first guy there, had sex with him the first time, boom, get pregnant again. Now, now I'm pregnant. Now I have this nine month old, again, I'm on welfare at the same exact place. I'm like, now I'm like, how do I get out of this? 

Jack: Yeah. 

Becky: What am I going to tell my church?

I was going to church. 

Jack: Were you going to church this entire time period? 

Becky: I was still on and off, but I was still going to church. 

Jack: Did anybody know? No. You'd been in church all your life, right? So [00:12:00] did you know how to play the role and not let people see what was really going on? I 

Becky: think I was very much of like open.

I just said, I drink, I heavy drinker, I smoked, I did have sex. I wasn't overly like not telling people, but I was telling people. 

Various: Yeah. 

Becky: Does that make sense? I don't know. I just. Yeah. 

Various: Sure. Yeah. 

Becky: Yeah. It was just, that's where I was at. 

Various: Okay. 

Becky: Yeah. I was still going to the same small church growing up as this was all going on, on and off.

It wasn't regularly. 

Various: Yeah. 

Becky: But yes, I was still going. And, I remember I was talking to the guy that impregnated me and I said, please let, let's keep this baby. I don't want to have an abortion. And he goes, if you keep this baby, I will never see you. And I will never see this baby. I may give you money from time to time.

But I will never take care of you in any way. And I remember sitting on the couch, just sobbing. And I remember thinking I [00:13:00] have to have an abortion now. I have to have an abortion because with all the hell that broke loose with my daughter that I already had. And I'm like, I cannot do this again. Father, I can't do this again.

I remember thinking that. So I won't go into all the details, but that's when I had my first abortion. When you go. The trauma of abortion. It's like, Oh, listen, you get relieved. You're relieved. And then you just go on with your normal life. You don't grieve, you don't do anything. And then you just kind of go back into the same vicious cycle.

And that's what happened. Cause you're trying to cope with it. 

Various: Yeah. 

Becky: So, and so I went back right into drinking a lot, heavy drinking, a lot of partying, sex, everything. And I will never forget it. I met another dude randomly and, Zoe was around three at the time I was probably early thirties now I'm living with my mother now and had sex one time, boom, got pregnant [00:14:00] again.

And I remember after that. And again, I, same thing, begging him, let's be a family, you know, I don't want to have an abortion. And he goes, I don't even know you, which I kind of understand, 

Various: you 

Becky: know, I don't know you. Yeah. And he's like, you need to have an abortion. So that was when I, I had my second one. I remember when I had my, my second abortion is when I thought, I'm doing something wrong here.

Yeah. What I'm doing isn't working. And I. I just started really crying out to Jesus just where I was at. I remember after the second abortion drinking so much, just going into blackouts days of not even remember anything. I stopped showering. I could barely get up in the mornings. I couldn't stop crying.

And I remember I went to my pastor. And I was just at this verge of just [00:15:00] surrendering everything to the Lord back to him. And I said to my pastor, it was probably six months after my second abortion. I said, what if I've done something that's unforgivable? How can I move forward if I've just done things that are unforgivable?

He gets in. He said, well, then no one would ever come to Jesus. 

Various: Yeah. 

Becky: You know, and I just heard the city. He goes, you know, that's where the cross comes in. Yep. You can't out send the 

Various: cross. 

Becky: I. Remember those words sticking in me and I remember even talking to my dad right before my breakthrough and he said to me, Becky, Jesus saves to the uttermost.

I remember that was he just, he saves to the uttermost and my mom, she knew I was struggling and she said, Becky. I think you should start doing this. She's [00:16:00] like, if you're going to drink and smoke, do it with, you know, worship, put on some worship and start listening to, to, to, to, to the Bible. And I thought that's kind of weird.

Various: Yeah. 

Becky: And I will never forget, this is how God works in such incredible ways. I will never, my dad called me up one day and me and my dad had a very strained relationship, very strained. And he called me up and he said, I need, want to go to the ocean. And I don't know why. I said, okay. And I brought my three year old daughter and I was in such a dark, dark, dark place.

And I woke up that day. I was planning to go to the ocean. As you guys know, I'm very white person. So that me and the son don't do well. So we're at the ocean. And I remember I thought I got to go to Walgreens to get an umbrella. [00:17:00] So I remember get up. Go to Walgreens, get an umbrella, sun umbrella, got back in the car, threw the umbrella in the back, started driving home, lit up a cigarette, put on some music like a normal day.

And all of a sudden the presence of God came in the car, just out of the blue. And I grew up in a very charismatic home, very familiar with the presence of God. And it was all of a sudden, it had been years though. And. It was so strong that I go, I just like, and I turned off the radio, threw out my cigarette, and I just said, hi, Jesus.

And he started speaking to me and his voice was so strong. It was literally reverberating in my body. And he said, I want you to forgive yourself. And I, I said it out loud. I'm [00:18:00] like, forgive myself for what? And right when I said it, I knew it had to do with my abortions and it hit me that my plan was to punish myself for the rest of my life for the abortions that I had slowly with my drinking, my self destructive behavior.

When that happened, I just started sobbing. Like, how could the, you know, a loving father, he was literally meeting me exactly where I was at. I will never forget after that is when this kind of like snowball effect, slow decisions started happening for me. I started up one day, I was working for my dad.

It always had to do with my dad, which is very incredible how these breakthroughs happen. And he said, and I was doing this landscape, it was actually here in Elk Grove. One of these like houses, cause he was a landscaping, it's not crazy. And I was like doing all these things and he said, [00:19:00] Becky, cause I was so, I sucked at it.

I was really bad at landscaping, obviously. And he goes, Becky, he's like, Why don't you go to this tool store and get me these things and, and, you know, men do directions like you're going to go north here, then you're going to go south there. And if you see this gas station and you know how women are, I'm like, and it was before GPS for me and I'm like, all right, but I was so happy to get out, you know, and I started going to the store and as I'm going to the store, I started going through the channels and static and it just happened to go on this Caleb station.

But it was all the oldies, Caleb, and it went to like, the word is a lamp into my feet in that song. And so I wrote him like, Oh, I love that song. So I started singing it and as I started singing it, that the presence of God just came in and then it was like, also went into Michael W. Smith and all these different songs and they just start raising my hands.[00:20:00] 

And I was just raising exactly where I was at. I lost everything and a lot, not lost everything. I did not know where I was at. And I remember that was a breaking point. I'm like, all right, Lord, I'm going to come exactly how I am. I'm not going to change anything. Yeah. But I'm going to come just where I'm at.

That's what I did. So I would literally get drunk every single night and listen to worship podcasts, anything I could. And the crazy thing is he started doing this operation on my heart without me even realizing it. I did that for a whole year, one year. And then all of a sudden I'm like, I want God to use me.

Just how it sort of happened in the slow problem, but I knew that he could only use me so far with my addictions with what I was having. So that's when I started [00:21:00] becoming very desperate to get out of my addictions and I, I felt like I was trapped in my own body and I could not get out of this smoking and drinking and I was about to go into rehab.

I did celebrate recovery. I did AA, I, I did it all and I was getting very desperate. One night I went to my room and I started crying and I remember I read Psalms 139 and I, I read it out loud and as I was reading it out loud, it was like Jesus literally walked in my room and he was saying it straight to me directly.

And he just said, He was like, you're fearfully, wonderfully made Becky. I know the thoughts towards you more than the sand and the sea, wherever you go. I'm there. You know, I needed you in your womb. You know, I just kept going on and I, and then I just said to Jesus said, all right, Lord, [00:22:00] I gave him an ultimatum.

I said, you know, I have given my heart to every safe man. There is in my life. What would make you any different? You know, I, if I give you my heart, are you going to break it to Lord? But I was so desperate to get out of my addiction. So I said, Lord, here's my heart. Do with it as you want. And I just went to sleep and I woke up every addiction gone immediately.

Not even the desire gone. It was just instantaneous. 

Jack: Wow. Wow. And never since again? 

Becky: Never since again. 

Jack: Wow. That's amazing. I love it. And I've heard stories of that and it doesn't always work that way for everybody. No, not everybody. Right. But it sometimes heals immediately. Right. And other times it's with.

Time. 

Becky: Yes. 

Jack: Yeah. Come as you are. Come as you are. Exactly. 

Becky: Right. [00:23:00] Come as you are. 

Jack: Yes. You know, I think there's an old Lecrae song that is come as you are, like, will you take me as I am? I know the way I'm living is wrong, but will you take me as I am? And the answer is yes. Right? We have this idea that we need to correct ourselves before God can accept us.

And it's so wound up, even within the Christian circle, right? You raised in church, expecting the judgment of God to fall on you for these abortions, but the cross is unlimited in its forgiveness. As long as we receive it, part of receiving it is accepting it completely. And this is, I think, a tendency that a lot of us Christians have is we want to punish ourselves for our sins, paid the price for our sins.

Repentance isn't punishment. Repentance is making a different choice in life. If we choose to punish ourselves, we are basically saying the [00:24:00] cross is not enough. Exactly. Right? And so it cheapens what Jesus did for us. Yeah. Right. But when we fully accept it, that's why the scripture says, he who has forgiven much loves much.

Exactly. We realize what the depths of Jesus's sacrifice for us, because every dirty, wicked thing we've ever done, past, present, and future is gone. Right. That elicits love. Yes. Exactly. 

Rob: Yeah. 

Jack: How good 

Rob: are you? That's so good. I can't help, but just as I, you know, I'm hearing your story, Becky and Jack to your preaching right there, like everything just straight up, you know, , it is his kindness that leads to repentance and, I just love that pastor in your life who literally just spoke truth in love.

And spoke right into the shame and the regret to get you to come home, but I love also the authenticity of your story, because I think that's so many people, you know, heading home, finding freedom and breakthrough [00:25:00] in the cross. I think your story really resonates with a lot of people because it's a process.

Becky: It is. 

Rob: It's a process. But, but Jesus is constantly in your story. Like I mean, your testimony, he's constantly calling you back, just come back. You don't have to run anymore. Yeah, man. That's, that's so profound and really speaks to the truth. Who is Jesus? 

Becky: Who is Jesus? He's the loving father. He really is. So when you have kids, I, you know, you really see what your kids are running around.

You're like, I just want to talk. I don't even want to talk to you. I just want to stare into your eyes. I just want to hold you. I just want you to be by me. And that is the heart of a father. I think a lot of times that's true intimacy. You don't have to talk. And I think we, as humans feel like we have to always do something.

I still, I think I struggle with it. Yeah, I do too. Right. I get it. Yeah. 

Jack: Yeah. And he's saying, be with me. 

Becky: Be with me. 

Jack: Yeah. We're. What is it? Mary and Martha. Right. Yeah. You want to be serving Martha too. I'm both. Yeah. Just come on. Hang [00:26:00] out with me. 

Becky: Yeah. So should we talk about that all the time in our retreats?

Martha and Mary, are you a Martha? Are you a Mary? Absolutely. 

Jack: Depends on the day of the week.

Wow. Okay. So you wake up and. All these addictions are gone. 

Becky: All of them. 

Jack: What's that do? What does that 

Becky: elicit in your heart? Like, what happened? You know, it's so funny because I will never forget how dark in a place I was. Because when all of my addictions came out, off, it was like I was in prison and I had been completely set free.

It was like, you know, in Cinderella, when Cinderella wakes up and all the birds are chirping and the mouses are helping her that that's exactly how I felt just like my voice had come back. I could sing higher and better than ever. I was just, it was just like. Everything renewed and I will never forget. I was taking Zoe to school and I picked her up from school and I was coming [00:27:00] back home.

We're going through the apartment complex and there is these white petals on the ground, you know, like in springtime, like those cherry blossoms and they're all white and it looks like snow. And I'm walking through the apartment complex. I'm like, Oh, it's so beautiful. And you know how I am kind of big.

I'm like, this is so beautiful. And so he's from five at the time. And so it keeps looking at me really weird. So beautiful. So we look at this, so we look at this and she goes, mom, this happens every year. You just are now noticing, and we've been there for four years. So really hit home for me, how. Dark of a place I was in and I will never forget though, because I remember when Zoe got into kindergarten, I had a feeling like she's going to want a dad.

Cause everyone has one when you get into school. [00:28:00] And sure enough, she did. Zoe, right after school one day, you know, I get her in the backseat of my car. We're talking through the mirror, get her in the car seat. I said, Hey sister, how was your day? Called her sister and she goes, mom, I really want a dad. Like you can get a grocery store, like it's a normal thing people do every day.

Various: But 

Becky: my picker was broken and I knew it. And actually me and Zoe had a really good life. I was living with my mom. We just had something really good. I didn't want to ruin it. And but Zoe really won, which I said, all right, Zoe. Um, if you want to die, you're going to have to pray for one 

Jack: because 

Becky: I'm not doing it.

So unbeknownst to me, I remember what I started, which I did every night I'd go in and I'd say my prayers with Zoe, she'd pray for Disneyland and toys, you know, how kids are. And we , pray for different things. I remember leaving and my mom. [00:29:00] Nana, she'd come in after me and she'd pray with Zoe and they prayed for her dad without me knowing they prayed for her dad every night for a year and then through a friend, I just, she's telling me about this dude and we started talking, it was love at first talk and he happened to live in San Jose, he happened to be a pastor.

Um, yeah, he had no children. He fell in love with me. He adopted his Zoe as his own. And now we're here. 

Jack: Do they have like a fantastic relationship? 

Becky: Oh, yes. He loves Zoe. I really believe my husband loves Zoey more than me. 

Rob: Wow. What like an answer to prayer? Her prayer. 

Becky: Complete answer to pray. I mean, he's restored everything and more than I could have ever even things.

I didn't even think of. He's restored everything back to me. Like how you said the locusts that were stolen. I love that scripture. [00:30:00] Say that scripture again. 

Jack: He restores the years. The locusts is eaten. That's right. 

Becky: And he not only that, but and more John 10, 10, he not only gives life, he gives it abundantly.

Yeah. 

Jack: Yeah. 

Becky: So, yeah. 

Jack: Wow. What a testimony. I love it. It's like my job. I got it. So, so good. He's so good. You know, and I think we so often are hesitant to surrender completely to that. And in the withholding, what we're doing is we're actually withholding all of it. Blessing, right? We're withholding the goodness of God in our lives because we can't release the full goodness with a heart that is not surrendered to him, right?

We had this conversation last night with my kids. Really? And they were kind of asking me, putting me to the test, like, okay, well, how, You know, when you fully trust it in God, how is he really delivered? Right. And I'm like, okay, now they called me out on this. Right. Okay, God, what, what story? Cause I know this is true, but which [00:31:00] one's a good one for them.

And I decided to share with them about an opportunity. I had to go to live in Israel for four months. Okay. So I said, you know, I was in Bible college at the time. They had a semester abroad program and one of them was in Israel. In the beginning of my second semester, I started praying about going to Israel and me and a group of students, it was about 50 of us.

I think we're praying about going there. I felt so strongly, God's like, go there, go there, go there. So I made plans to go, did everything. And then. At the end of spring, right at the beginning of summer, the war with, was it Lebanon, broke out in 2006. And I had a ton of people tell me, that's not God's will for your life.

Why would he send you to a war zone? And I'm like, he told me to go, does he make mistakes? Right? And I had people who I thought were really strong believers tell me it wasn't God's will. But I said, God, I'm, if you want [00:32:00] me to go, I will trust you even if it's a war zone. Because I believe. That's where you want me to go.

And we had a previous guest on our show who actually played a role in me going there. He does a Christian devotional daily and I got on his Christian devotional. I don't even know how I got on his email list and he lives in it. He was living in Israel at the time. And he's like, he had this thing that said.

You know, the safest place to be is in the middle of God's will, 

Various: right? And that 

Jack: was, that was, I needed it that day. And I never read this. It came to my path and I was like, okay, Lord, I'm trusting you. Well, I left to go to Israel while they were still at war. I flew into Germany, had an eight hour layover there, still a war.

I got on the plane from Germany to Tel Aviv. And sometime while I was in the air, the ceasefire happens. So the day I landed, it was, There was peace. And, you know, honestly, two thirds of the students that were supposed to go dropped out. So it was like a semester abroad with only like 18 students. [00:33:00] And I had an amazing time there just seeing where God walked, right?

Like so many aspects of my faith came to life. Absolutely live it out in Israel. I could have withheld my trust in God. And I would have not had that four months in Israel, right? Like that's just one of many, many stories. When we say yes to God, he does abundantly beyond anything we can think or ask. I didn't mean to make this about me.

And I've shared that story before, but I'm 

Rob: sure the light bulb for your kids though, turned on. 

Jack: Yeah, no, I mean, a lot of times you guys have kids, like you do your devotions of your kids at night. They're not that interested. Of course, they start messing with each other. Last night they were engaged, they were asking me questions, where else did you go dad, like what did you, you know, like da, da, da, da, da, they were so engaged and I was like, Oh, cool, cool opportunity, you treasure those moments when your kids show interest, genuine interest, yeah, that's awesome, I love that, wow, that's [00:34:00] so good, yeah, but back to you Becky, no, it's all good, you said yes, you get married to a pastor, he becomes a great dad, he answers your daughter's prayers just amazingly, yeah, yeah, At some point you start partnering with real options.

Tell us how, how did that get in there? And I'm assuming it's part of God's redemption story. Absolutely. 

Becky: Yeah, cause I remember I'd been going to church. I would down in San Jose for about two years, year and a half actually. And it was hard. It was a hard transition. But we, we were there and I was already, I was kind of still a mess.

I was still very broken. I think really what happened is I got delivered from my addictions, but I hadn't really found healing yet. So, someone had heard about my two abortions. I told a lot of people about him. I was one of those people kind of like, this is my message, you know? And she told me about a retreat.

I did not want to go. I thought that was stupid. Why would you want to go to a retreat to deal with your abortions? Sender [00:35:00] the blood. But Ernie, my husband, dragged me to that retreat. So we are going to go. And I remember fighting all the way up into the retreat. And I got there, and it was Incredibly transformative.

It was a three day weekend. I started on a Friday, ended on Sunday. And on that Sunday, the Lord spoke and he said, you're going to do this for the rest of your life. And I, my whole, everything changed. I'm like, I am. And after that, I, I still don't know why they said yes. They didn't even know me. I said, I want to start volunteering.

And they're like, yeah. Yes. So they brought me on the team volunteering and I could do a whole nother podcast of even how the whole program fell in my lap by pure accident, but not accident, total divine moment. But the whole, whole program fell in my lap. And then tell 

Jack: us what is the hope program? 

Becky: The hope program is for anyone [00:36:00] who's had any reproductive loss that includes abortion, adoption, adoption placement.

Miscarriage, infertility and 

Various: stillbirth. 

Becky: So that is for any of those things. And so we've really widened that range and we actually have a lot of people that come to this retreats that don't have any reproductive loss because I always think like right now over half the church right now has had an abortion, 

Jack: just one half the church 

Becky: over half the church.

And right now there are more Christians having abortions. The people who don't identify as a Christian right now, especially in California. So if over half the church has had an abortion, then the other half has been indirectly affected by it. So everyone has been affected by any kind of reproductive loss.

But unfortunately, Pastors, nobody talks about it. That's what I do. I do retreats and online support groups [00:37:00] and I love it. I started building teams around 2016, 2017. Just like I told you, I. I really wanted to keep my hands closed with how things were going. And then the Lord spoke to me very clearly and he said, Becky, open your hands, open your hands and I will build this team and I will grow it for you.

And that was a walk of faith. And I said, all right. So I just started letting people come in, letting more people serve started looking outside of the box and then it just exploded. We are now up to last year. We used to do four retreats a year. There's such a high demand. Last year we did five retreats.

This year we're doing six retreats. So, we have people all over the United States coming to see what we're doing. Like, this is what you're doing is. Working. 

Various: Yeah. Wow. 

Becky: So yeah, it's an incredible, [00:38:00] I'm so blessed. I see people literally transformed before my eyes and I, not a lot of people could sit. I mean, I literally see chains breaking off of them in one weekend, 

Rob: which is like full circle.

I mean, that's your story. Exactly. And so like God is like exponentially doubling and tripling his transformative work and using you and others who at a time in your own life where you're like, how does this work? How does this happen? How do I change all those things? And Jesus meets us right in the deepest, darkest moments every time.

Wow. So I'm curious, I'm sure that , because they're lives and they matter to God and and their souls who are being literally set free. Maybe you can share a story or two of somebody who came in, maybe, , keeping confidentiality of course at the forefront, but a story or two that kind of highlights your journey that kind of, , it keeps you going.

Becky: Oh yeah. Keeps you, [00:39:00] which is literally every retreat. But I will never forget one lady came in who was a Buddhist. She actually had the garbs. She shaved her head. And I'm thinking, all right, Lord, because I told her, I said, we talk a lot about Jesus at this retreat, just like, Oh, that's okay. And these are the great things about these retreats.

They come in desperate. 

Rob: Yeah. They've tried 

Becky: everything. 

Rob: That's right. 

Becky: And so, she came in, she was very, very broken and God just met her exactly where she was at. And at the end she said, you know what? I really like this Jesus dude. I think I'm going to start following him.

So, Even just the retreat in February had one lady call me up, she had just had the abortion, maybe a week before she had grown up at a Catholic church. She kind of, she was like a nominal Christian. She [00:40:00] every once in a while went to mass and she called me up. She goes, I had an abortion and I, I always say to them, like, where are you going to church at?

What's your support system? What's going on with you? And she said, I'm going to go to this church over here. It is a Christian church. And I'm like, all right, you can start going to that. And And what was going on is she was so desperate to find healing that she started praying. She started getting into the word in a way she'd never gone into the word before.

She started bringing her whole family, her little kids to church, her husband. By the time she got there, she was radically changed and her whole family got saved. Wow. Through that happening. And then she brought her mother and her mother in law, her cousin, they're coming to church and getting saved now through what has happened.

These are just normal things [00:41:00] that happen. Every retreat people are radically transformed and it's nothing that we do. The Holy Spirit comes in. Yeah. Yeah. And I would love to say it's me, I really do. Um, but there's times where I say nothing and it's just, God just shows up, you know, even with the first phone call, first phone call, we'd start talking phone and that process happens and they get radically changed.

Rob: Wow. So if somebody is listening right now and they're. They're sort of in their deepest, darkest moment and they are contemplating some things, some decisions. How would that person get in touch with this particular organization to get some sort of help? 

Becky: Becky at RealOptions. net or Hope at RealOptions.

net. That's something you'll always remember, hope at real options. net you can email me any [00:42:00] time. 

Jack: We'll include it in our show notes as well, just in case you didn't have a chance to write it down. 

Becky: And I also have my number in the email. So when you look it up, my, my numbers also in there. Anytime. And honestly, this really, this ministry, just like how the Lord met me exactly where I'm at.

This is what this ministry is about. Is it meeting somebody exactly where they're at? Like how your, your sign said, Jack, you know, come just as you are. This isn't about if I do this and this and this, then I can come. You're not. And honestly, you're never going to be ready to come. Never. 

Jack: You're 

Becky: never going to be cleaned up enough and forgiven enough.

So, yeah. 

Jack: Follow up question to that, how do we, who are on the other side, right, support the other half that has had an abortion and doesn't know what to do? How do we support them? How, what do we, how do we speak into people's lives? I know it's always harder when we can't relate. I mean, [00:43:00] I can relate in a sense because I was that man at one point in my life and there has been healing.

Right? Even on the guy side of things, it is a heavy weight to carry to know that you were, in a sense, I say, by myself, an accomplice to murder. Absolutely. And I've come to the point, I know the cross has forgiven me. Absolutely. So there are men who also deal with this, right? Oh, yeah. And we often focus on the girls.

The men also struggle with this later and it comes often. It comes later. It came for me later. Absolutely. How does the side who doesn't know what that that's like support the side that has gone through it? 

Becky: Well, I think as humans, we, we always want to fix things. 

Various: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 

Becky: Well, if you do this, then things will get better, you know, and actually that makes things worse.

So I think just. And I even say these in the podcast, making sure you are a safe person because [00:44:00] you just being there. If, if they, if you know somebody who's had an abortion or any kind of reproductive loss saying, you know what. I'm here. If you want to talk, I'm a, I'm a sounding board for you. Just having someone to come up and talking about it, that alone is just incredible breakthrough for somebody because just talking to someone on my way here, the lady saying, I've had two abortions.

I have not told one soul ever about what has happened. And now I'm talking to you about it, you know, so I think we as a church don't talk about it enough. And so there's all this silence. And I think the more people are talking about it, being vulnerable. Let me say this on, I say this over and over again.

In the 10 years, 12 years that I have said to everyone and my mother, including everyone, I [00:45:00] have had an abortion. Not one person has said, I can't believe you did that. The opposite has happened for me. I've had an abortion too, or I took my daughter to have an abortion. Oh, my aunt had an abortion. My son in law, he had a miscarriage because I have empowered them now to be vulnerable.

Rob: Yeah, that's right. 

Becky: Because I was vulnerable. And the more. Yeah. And I'm not 

Rob: saying 

Becky: that's everyone's story, but I think people would be shocked to know how many people really have had an abortion. There's more than you can possibly imagine that are bleeding in secret and no one is talking about it.

Nobody's getting help from it. I mean, not nobody, but you know what I mean? Not enough. So that, and just giving them resources, letting them know, this is can meet you exactly where you're at. And I know the pregnancy sitters here in Sacramento are amazing and they have incredible resources. [00:46:00] We do online support groups every Thursday and we also do our retreats six times a year.

Rob: Well, Becky, thank you so much for sharing your story. And for just being raw and sharing your real authentic testimony and that God has not done with you yet. No, he's getting started. He's just getting started. I mean, it's just a, such a beautiful story of, of restoration and renewal. And like I say this often, and it's more than cliche you know, the best is yet to come.

For sure. For sure. You know, I was thinking as you were sharing your story, I couldn't help, but I was just being drawn there. It's interesting that Psalm 139 was like, it's like a, like a, like a, such a gift for you in that moment where God really spoke to you through that passage. And I w I went to it as you were talking and it's really cool.

 Sometimes I think what we do, and I think it's part of the Sort of the undoing of the shame of the regret that process that we go through that [00:47:00] sanctification is what we call it We often think that Jesus and darkness or sin doesn't mix that God is so holy and he is Absolutely, and that you know evil It's almost like so far from him.

But in reality, if I read like someone 39, it says here in verse seven, where should I go from your spirit or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there. If my, if I make my bed and she haul in hell, you are there. And, and it goes on to say that. God is everywhere, of course, but his manifest presence, just as you experienced in, in, in your story of literally like the presence of Jesus meeting you and him talking to you is a reality of his love.

And it's like not super weird. It's, it's supernatural. 

Becky: Got it. That's right. 

Rob: And I think so many people from your story [00:48:00] today, and I'll just declare it are being set free. Amen. Because this is the plan and the purpose of Jesus to go even in the darkest places to reach us in our darkest moments and say, I love you.

And so I'm, I'm so grateful that you have done that today. You've shared your story and so grateful that. Jack, that you you introduced me to, to Becky and and that our listeners have been encouraged by your story. So thank you for being on the show today. Thank 

Becky: you. My pleasure. 

Jack: Yeah. It's been an honor and a pleasure.

Becky: Thank you. 

Jack: Everybody else. Stay tuned every Tuesday for new episodes. God bless you.