101. Ian: Encountering The Living God

Much of Ian's early life was lonesome and independent. As one who's struggled with social anxiety throughout his life, Ian often felt unimportant and purposeless. During a near death illness, the relational presence of the living God visited and conversed with him which changed his life forever. In this episode, you will hear the compelling and honest testimony of Ian's encounter with God himself and how he's never been the same since. If you are desperate to know and experience God and His great love, listen to Ian's story of being seen and known. The same can happen for you! 

Transcript

Episode 101 Ian: Encountering The Living God

Ian: [00:00:00] Jesus in my life, episode 101. Because it's like, how can you come face to face with unending love and unending joy and unending life and beauty without being changed and that that's who we're designed to be.

Jack: Welcome to Jesus in my life, a podcast with Rob and Jack, where we interview everyday people like me and you about their extraordinary experiences with our savior, Jesus Christ. Welcome to another episode of Jesus in my life. Podcast is your host, Jack with 

Rob: my cohost, Rob. Hey, everybody. Glad to be with you today.

And Jack, as always love how God connects us with our guests. And today is yet another one of those. 

Jack: Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. Today on the show, we have. Ian, Ian is the husband of a previous guest, Imelda, from episode 80 and 81. And when [00:01:00] she told me a little bit about your story, I was like, tell him I want him on the podcast.

Well, 20 episodes later, we got you, man. And so thank you for saying yes. to be on the show. Welcome. 

Ian: You're welcome. 

Jack: I just always ask the same question. Can you tell me a little bit about your early life and if Jesus played any part in it? 

Ian: Yeah, he was kind of always there, but he just wasn't front and center.

Jack: Okay. 

Ian: So there was a lot of new agey mixture stuff. So Jesus was there, God was there, but then there was like Hindu things. And so the importance of who he was and relation with me to God didn't take that clarity until about five years ago. 

Jack: Okay, so you definitely weren't an atheist. You definitely had a spiritual background.

Ian: I loved God my whole life. That was something that sort of was naturally in me. I couldn't tell you when that started. 

Jack: Huh. 

Ian: Yeah. Okay, 

Jack: and so, 

Ian: what's early life like? Um, [00:02:00] playing in the park until the sun goes down. We're outside of the house a lot. Like, in which, which facet? It was like a lot of things. 

Rob: I mean, do you see your, your childhood as something looking back as enjoyable?

It was 

Ian: an adventure. 

Rob: Okay. 

Ian: It was an adventure. It was not always enjoyable. 

Rob: Okay. 

Ian: I had a lot of anxiety as a kid. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Felt plagued by, well. I would be waking up paralyzed a lot as a kid, and I have nightmares about, like, going into hell and fighting the devil hand to hand, and I didn't have a context of even what that was, so it was a strange thing to be obsessed about when you're seven.

Jack: Where do you think you got your concept of the devil from? Was it, like, pop culture? 

Ian: I don't know. 

Jack: Okay. 

Ian: I really don't know, because my uncle was born again, and I went to his church, like, a few times, and they were pretty intense. And so I heard stuff from him. But my mother didn't talk about it. My dad was an atheist until later [00:03:00] on in life.

Various: Okay. Okay. So 

Ian: I don't have any clue. It was very strange. 

Various: Yeah, 

Ian: how much it like formed my, uh, Well, maybe it's not strange because maybe it's the truth, right? Yeah, but it formed my understanding of how the world worked even though I hadn't picked up a Bible or looked into any of it. 

Jack: I mean it goes back to your statement that Jesus was always there just not front and center and he was working in all of that, right?

You were getting a framework for. I guess the spiritual warfare that we all face as believers in a sense, right? 

Ian: If I look at how I will look at now, it's under demonic attack on a daily basis. Paralysis and even being hit sometimes with end up with marks at one house we lived at. You know, I was, I was a kid and so I was, how much do I chalk up to imagination?

How much do I chalk up to like trauma as a kid and just masking in this way and how much is it? It's spiritual. But it was pretty constant. I It was, it was unpleasant. I would say that part was, but I was a kid, so I'm also like having fun and going to the park. [00:04:00] Let me forget about this for now. Yeah, that's how we cope.

Right, yeah. And so, how 

Jack: does this continue into like teenage years? Are you still experiencing those type of things in your teenage years, or does it change? 

Ian: It was worse as a teenager. 

Jack: Okay. 

Ian: Yeah, it got worse as a teenager, I would say, yeah. Just constant weird dreams, feeling like I was an abductee when I was younger, but I was like, this doesn't seem real.

I was like, I know I'm experiencing these things, they're dreams, but something's different about them. And so it was a pretty traumatic experience. I was like, when I would go to sleep, I was ready for things to get really weird. 

Jack: Yeah, that's a terrible way to go to sleep, right? Yeah. High cortisol levels.

Ian: All the time. Right? Yeah. 

Jack: Yeah. 

Ian: Like, I don't know if I had an active imagination, but I would see things all the time. Sure. And apparently have, like, conversations with, like, people. dead relatives when I was very young. I don't know what to make of it at this point, but whatever doors were open. Yeah. And, uh, do 

Jack: you, I, can you [00:05:00] identify now in life that open doors?

Ian: I think looking at, um, some deliverance from Freemasonry, that's witchcraft and sorcery in the family line just created an openness in me. And so they're like, we're going to, they must've known I was going to. Get saved. We're gonna hammer this guy as much as we can. For sure. For sure. I mean, 

Jack: there's, there's a spiritual realm you don't see.

That's right. Right? If God had his hand on you from an early life. Sure seemed like it. Yeah, it seems like there was a war going on there. I think this story really impacted me. It's in the gospels where the guy, he has a demon possessed child. And he's, he's the guy that says, you know, I believe would help my own belief.

As you study the text, it seems to indicate that there's a little bit of Jesus pointing to the father as like, when did this happen? When did it start? He's like from an early age. And the point is, you know, as a, as a young, young, young child, could you really open yourself up to the demonic? No, it's [00:06:00] the influences in your life, right?

Whatever his father was doing opened the door for that demonic entity. So it may not be anything That you did, it was, again, your family line, what was happening in the periphery that you were connected to. Right. Yeah, it's pretty crazy when we think about it that way. 

Rob: Yeah, just the sort of the generational lines, and I think that's pretty consistent in scripture.

Because the opposite can happen in terms of leaving a spiritual holy legacy in a sense how that goes down into the generations and in similar ways the spiritual realm or spiritual warfare of the enemy can in fact happen. It sounds like Ian that that's really your story at an early age and then into your teenage years and then now as you're becoming more into adulthood, what's happening in your family dynamic at this time?

Let's say 

Ian: my parents split when I was eight months old. Okay. My mom remarried when I was, uh, 10. He was [00:07:00] from, was in Veracruz. And then they had a series of like four kids. So there was six of us at that point. 

Jack: You're the oldest? 

Ian: I'm the second oldest. Okay. And so my dad was president. So I'm with, I stay with my dad because my mom had too many kids to care for.

Various: Oh, okay. So 

Ian: which formulated a lot of my like, uh, okay, well. I'm not good enough to stay here. And then my dad was also not the nicest of fellas. And so that was an interesting experience. And so she's going back and forth to Mexico because she finds living up here not, living in America was not quite her cup of tea.

So she found it easier to live down in a little village and, uh, was it down the Yucatan? La Pantera. And so I would say a lot of my life was me alone with my father, who worked 40, 50, 60 hours a week. So I was primarily just alone. 

Various: Wow. Okay. 

Ian: I worked from the age of [00:08:00] 11 through the summertime. And so then after I worked through the summer, I like built a foundation and helped build a house.

It was a big 11 year old. I'm a small, I was like, probably like 180 at 

Jack: 11, 180. I'm like, yeah, 

Ian: it was a big little guy. I'm like two 50 now, probably. Anyway. So like after that, I just sort of got jobs as soon as I could, just because it's like something to do. 

Jack: Yeah. You grew up fast, grew up fast. Yeah. So move on from your teenage years.

What is. Early adult life look like 

Ian: so i went to europe when i was 17 turned 18 in scotland and i would have like a thousand bucks or something and i ran out of that quick yeah and then i was like mom now what yeah and so i actually started um playing street music ended up meeting this kid my friend i was with he had a friend who was an exchange student from.

So we stayed with his family for like a month. And then they were like, okay, you guys got to move [00:09:00] on. And then we hitchhiked around and we'd play street music and get enough to eat that day. And it was, it was a fun experience. Sometimes I wonder what I gained from it. But, um, Ended up working on like a biodynamic farm for some, somehow just got connected to these people.

And I was like working with two people that didn't speak English. So I was the illegal farm worker in Germany and I would wake up in the morning at like five o'clock. He had been up at 4am and I just worked. All day long, I was lonely and I kind of just lost myself in work. And it was something really beautiful in that I did have a weird experience there, but I don't feel like talking about that one.

Just. feeling connected to God. When I was in Europe, I hitchhiked through Italy at one point. And I, I did start talking to like this voice in my head that I called God. And I always believed in God, but I was like talking to him, like, I [00:10:00] want to have a relationship with you. And that hunger was there, which was looking back now, having been saved.

I'm like, man, like, what took me so long? 

Various: So I was 

Ian: talking to you about like, what took me so long? Some Christian had showed up and just spoke into me. I would have been. Putting their hands because I wanted God so much because I had nothing else like my dad was not really available. My mom was gone with the kids and then being kind of the weirdo white kid in the neighborhoods where I grew up, like, you know, they kind of kept away from me.

They play with me a little bit. 

Rob: Yeah, Jack, I was thinking as Ian's sharing that, I wonder if that's a lot of people. 

Jack: Yeah, I had that same exact thought of like, how many people that are now Christian, I would have been a Christian a long time ago if somebody had just spoken to me. Oh, yeah. Right. And I think that's something we all need to hear as Christians.

Yeah, we do. How often do we get that still small voice? Tell us, go talk to that person. Tell them about me. And we're like, I don't know if I want to do that. Is that really you God? I don't [00:11:00] think it is. I'm just going to ignore this. Right? 

Ian: Yeah. Go talk to that person. You might change that whole person's life.

How much did I bump against the wall? Not having a context to understand what my whole life was about. And if someone had just stepped in being like, wow, you hunger for God and really explained the scripture. Cause when I broke into the scripture, it was like evident when I learned about history, it was evident of someone that showed up with Yeah.

And said, Oh, Jesus loves you. Give me context. When I read it and like hurts people breaking down the old testament, I'm like, that's wild. They grow all that in there. And then I'm looking at the historicity. I was like, okay, this seems like duh. Can you please, please show me that you're here. And it was like within like a week, I had my wild experience in my garage.

I know it was a couple of weeks, but it was, there's no doubt when you encounter that presence, you don't have to think about it. It is. Truth is, and then you come to know what it is. Ah, 

Rob: love 

Ian: it. [00:12:00] 

Rob: Okay, so now you got me hanging on the edge of my seat because you said there's a wild story coming and I think this is a good time to, to segue right into that.

What, what now is happening in your life here? 

Ian: When I got saved, had the baptism of the spirit. Yeah. So. I'll be honest, I, I gave my life to Jesus sort of almost on a whim when I was 18 or 19 in Key West. And then as a younger, I think eight or nine with my uncle who was, I think Pentecostal. And then I remember going to, um, catechism.

I never finished it when I was younger and, and really loving Jesus. Like I wanted him to be real my whole life. It's like, if this is real, I would want that. But then no one came down and was able to lay all this stuff out for me. 

Jack: Yeah. Yeah. So you got a little taste. Yeah, you weren't really brought into true discipleship is never saying no one took the 

Ian: time and it didn't take more than like a few weeks of reading the Factual stuff in history and then the factual stuff in the Bible and it's like well [00:13:00] Yeah.

Yeah. This is evident. It's not. It's harder to believe the opposite when you see all the evidence that's there. Yeah. Sure. Right. And they don't, they should teach him in school. Like he's a historical figure. They don't for a reason. 

Various: Cause it'd 

Ian: be like, what? This guy was real. What? These guys changed the whole social structure of the Mediterranean and Asia.

What they walked around. They were like schmucks like us. They were. Yeah. Fishermen and carpenters and like they walked around and changed the world. 

Various: Yep. 

Ian: Like they had to experience something profound to go and do something like that. 

Various: Yes. 

Ian: And then to have the authority to like speak to people. And we're not even talking about the miracles they performed.

Various: Yep. Yeah. 

Ian: Because it was felt just what they were saying too. And then on top of it all they did in his name. 

Jack: You're reminding me of my world history class in high school. It's so briefly mentioned, the birth of Christianity, it's so underwhelmingly presented that you don't even think about it. Yeah, it's like suppressed.

Yeah. But it's, Yeah. 

Ian: It's the framework of the entire culture. Yeah. 

Jack: Like Paul was accused of, you're turning the world upside down. Absolutely, [00:14:00] yeah. They did. They turned the world upside down. 

Ian: Right. Yeah. 

Jack: The entire world has been completely changed of direction because of Christians, Christian influence.

Ian: They experienced something that death was no longer a fear for them. Yeah. Yeah, they knew what was coming and they're like, we're just, this is a blip. We're going to do whatever he wants us to do here. And, uh, that's what I'm wrestling with now. Like, what does that mean for us now? Like if we're just here for a minute and then we live in eternity in this beautiful place with him, what are we doing with our time here?

Anything? I mean, obviously we, it's nice to have a nice house or a job, or it's not like I'm away, turning away from those things, but like, If we're not serving his kingdom every day. Are we going to look back upon that and regret it? Because it's a gift in the first place. We got to give it away. That's right.

Yeah. So I'm going to start crying now. Go ahead. Ask me a question. 

Jack: Well, I just want to share a story. Like, [00:15:00] Francis Shen shares this amazing visual illustration. He has this giant Rope, really long rope and at the tail end of it is a little sliver that's painted red. Yeah. And he goes, guys, this is, this is us, right?

And this little red sliver is our life here on earth, but the rest of the rope, you can't even see the end of it. Right. That's the rest of us. Right. Why are we so focused on this little red sliver at the edge of the rope? This is the world to us. This is the most important thing. Really, we should be focused on the rest of it.

Because that's what the 

Ian: enemy wants you to do. Of course. Exactly. He's like, but this is logical. This is practical. You need to do this and that because this is what makes sense in the world. But, uh, these guys back then didn't do what made sense in the world. What they did was improbable. I mean, why did they go like five, 10 miles from their house in most cases?

And they walked across the whole of everything in the known world at [00:16:00] that time. 

Jack: Thomas ended up in India. 

Ian: Yeah. I'm like, 

Jack: I can't even imagine how hard it would to get to India and Rome in time period. That's like, 

Rob: that's like Forrest Gump times 10. Yeah. Just walking and getting a beer and there you are.

and India. Yeah. 

Jack: And then being willing to die. Right? Yeah. They all, everybody except John, and they, not because they didn't try to kill John, they just couldn't kill John. 

Rob: Yeah. 

Jack: Right. So you did have some groundwork of Christianity, and you had mentioned they were mixed in with new age religion. Yeah, all kinds of stuff.

All kinds of stuff. So you just needed some clarity. Mm hmm. In Europe, where does God take you from there to start the process of getting you fully in line with his will and truth? 

Ian: I mean, it's a long story before that happens, honestly. Okay. But, um, I was, after that I was in Key West and I had that, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.

But my heart wasn't in it. I was like, this guy offered that. And I thought to myself, Oh, I'm good. I'm, I don't need that. [00:17:00] And then I thought, how arrogant. 

Various: Yeah. 

Ian: What if it's real? Why would I say no? And of course, I need all the help that I can get. So I said, yeah, I'll take that. And I wonder if that momentary, like, lapse of ego was the one end that he needed.

And it just took another, what, 18, 17 years later for that baptism of the spirit with the whole book unfolded for me. Oh, my goodness, this is, yeah. Beyond real. This is more real than here. That's the reality. Yeah, we're in the illusion of the world 

Rob: Yes, 

Ian: and you know his kingdom is Eternal, right? Yes. So I can tell you the nitty gritty from that point until the salvation, but maybe I'll tell you the near death experience because I happened a few years later.

Jack: Yeah. Let's jump there. 

Ian: Yeah. So I'm a vagabond hippie sort of type living in Hawaii, climbing coconut trees. And maybe I was a raw vegan at the time. Probably not trying something [00:18:00] silly. Yeah. Just a nutty hippie guy enjoying nature, loving it. And I got what I think was leptospirosis. I don't know. I got very sick, very fast living at some sort of that community center where I was like caretaking the land, like trimming the bananas and stuff.

I kind of grew up like when you got sick, you. Dealt with it on your own. My mom wasn't around very much. And so my dad was like, would give me a clove of garlic and maybe a shot of whiskey and a 55 blankets. Then go sweat it out. I'm going to work. Don't call me unless you're dying. And so he'd get mad when he'd come up, I had to call him.

So that was how I grew up. So I'm like sitting there like, okay, I'm on my own here. You know, I don't think I knew anybody that well. And, uh, the first day I am, I'm pretty sick and I'm aware of that, but I'm like, I can get through this. I'll sleep it off. And so I'm, I'm doing it. Walk into the bathroom, being foolish, drinking the water from the catchment system, which is probably how I got [00:19:00] sick in the first place.

I have things coming out both ends, emptied out, make my way back. But that's an effort. I believe, yeah, the next day, I wake up, I'm Can barely move. I army crawl to the bathroom. I think that's the last bit of water that I had. I had a liter of water again, catchment water, which is probably what made me sick.

And this is how I guess stubborn and arrogant I was at the time. I can get through this on my own and literally people, I can hear them. If I shouted, they could have heard me, but I couldn't bring myself. To ask for help. And that's, that's, I think the second day I couldn't get out of bed. The third day I had only had that leader from the day before I have a high fever.

I can't pee or nothing. I'm completely dehydrated. I go that full 24 hours. And I think it's like later that day, I have the blanket over my head. So I look like I'm sleeping. Someone comes into the room and is like looking for [00:20:00] something. And I'm, I'm screaming for help, but I can't make a sound. 

Various: And 

Ian: my tongue is starting to swell up because it's been over 24 hours without fluids with a high fever.

And I'm like, yeah. I'm just going, help me. I'm trapped in my own body. They come in and out. I now can't get help. The third day I go to sleep that day. The fourth day I wake up, I can't blink. Can't see because my eyelids are so dry. It's been a good fair bit of time without water now. And I'm just laying there going like, okay, you know, raspy voice, tongue, tongue swollen from dehydration.

And I'm I guess I'm going to die. And so I'm just laying there kind of like struggling to breathe. And, um, all of a sudden it's just dark and warm and cozy. And I'm just like, okay, I don't remember [00:21:00] anything before that point in that moment. I'm just in this nice, warm, cozy place. And I'm just like floating.

It feels like I'm breathing. If you can call it breathing. And I become aware of this, like, um, light in front of me, like this beautiful, I would say it looks like water. I would say it looks like, like a flame. It's moving. It's it's life itself is how my brain interpreted and understanding. I wasn't an active Christian at this time.

So this is, I guess, the form he took to help me understand. And it's just this beautiful radiance. That I'm like looking at. I'm feeling filled by the warmth and joy of whatever this thing is. And it's just like shining outward and more outward and more outward. And so it's, I feel it inside of me. Like, I see it out there, but I feel it in the core of whatever I am, because I don't feel like What I am here and it's shining [00:22:00] outward and into this beautiful, ecstatic feeling of life just pouring into me from the inside.

And I want, I watch it turn it, turn in upon itself, going more and more inward, but it's still bright. It's like it's shining in upon itself. That makes any sense. And I feel inside of me, like I have this reprieve and I'm left with this emptiness, which was just as pleasurable as the being filled. So the being filled by this life and joy and love is like gorgeous.

And I'm going to. mountain experience. And then when it pulls away from me, I'm left in this utter desire for more of it. And that desire is just as exquisite as the feeling. And I'm just in this amazing experience of like this love pouring in and, and leaving me in an awe and wonder and hungering for more.

I don't remember anything of being here. I don't remember being sick. I don't remember being in. I don't remember being nothing. I'm just immersed in this beauty and it keeps kind [00:23:00] of like building up and filling me up more and it feels like it's like burning away and making whatever is in me bigger and it gets to this point where it feels almost like it's excruciatingly beautiful.

Like, I understand what people seek after things in the world, because if that's What he fills us with. We're like, when we're here and we're disconnected from that, we're like, but where's that? Cause we know in our hearts what's missing, you know? And so like I've become aware, excuse me, come on, God, help me out here.

You can't wreck me. I'm trying to talk, um, and it still wrecks me to this day because it's like, how can you come face to face with unending love and unending joy and unending life and beauty. without being changed. And that's who we're designed to be. And I become aware all of a sudden of like, um, it filling up and it's like my whole [00:24:00] body became an instrument and was just ringing with this beautiful sound.

And I'm just in that experience of the sound, like shining, his love pouring into me, turning me into like a guitar string and the sound pouring back out in adoration to him. And like, so when we worship, we are experiencing his love just pouring through us. And it felt like such a gift.

And all around me, I heard and experienced, there was beings everywhere, just singing in adoration. And if that's all my life in existence was for eternity, Maybe more than enough. 

Various: Yeah. 

Ian: And I could still hear the sounds, like there was every note you could possibly imagine. And then some, and there was dissonance in there, but it was so big and fast and so perfectly put together that it was like this exquisite sound pouring back into me and the existence of [00:25:00] just utter pleasure and joy of being filled with love and loving him in return.

And, and all of us together loving him and that love pouring to him, pouring into me. And it's just like, Hey, you know, and then he's like, Oh, that's taken away for a second. And it's just me in the light again. And I am not unaware of the rest of this.

And he's like, it's time to go back. And I'm like, wait, what? And he's like, you gotta go back. I said, oh, no. He said, you, you agreed before I made you what you were to do, and you gotta go back. Wow. And I was like, what? And the next thing I know I'm back in my body. I'm hydrated. I'm alive. I'm able to stand up completely fine.

And I'm looking at the clock. I'm like, maybe 15 minutes went by and I, I curse a blue streak. I'm so pissed off to be back here. 

Various: Yeah. 

Ian: Yeah. I'm like, why did you send me back? And, and I, I [00:26:00] felt like he could pull the veil back inside my head and I could see a glimpse of where I was. It's like, you are always here.

I'm you are always here. I had no context to understand, really. And I get up, and he kind of seals me up, and I'm a normal person again, totally fine. And I walk out, and I run into a friend, and he's like, Where have you been for the last couple of days? And I was like, I went to tell him, and he looked at me like I was crazy.

Of 

Jack: course. And 

Ian: I watched that whole, my mind start to twist and, All of a sudden I was like, I guess I had a fever dream. I got sick. And for 18 years, he would move my heart to share the story. And I ended with like, I don't know what happened. It could have been a fever dream. I didn't know how to fit it into, like, I had experienced things, but they were so incredible.

I'm like, did I really feel like I died? Did I really, like, did I make a mistake in my memory? [00:27:00] Was I just, I couldn't wrap my head around it. And so I'm like walking around, like I'll share it and people get freaked out and go, okay, I guess I'll keep that to myself. And, but he would compel me at times to say, and I would say it, but again, no Christian framework.

It was just, he's working on me. And I'm like, okay, and I won't get too much in the details, but enough things went wrong in my life. I was like, okay, obviously it's all about you, God, still didn't understand the necessity for Christ. And this is important in the context of that story, because he revealed to me and brought that back to me a couple of years ago.

And so I started learning the historicity, I started learning about these non Christian historians who were talking about Christ. I started learning about Christ. How much incredible evidence there is and then the Bible itself is evidence like Paul's story like Paul's like, doesn't have to do what he's doing.

He gives up everything. You're like, wait a second. 

Various: Yeah, 

Ian: this dude. And then he goes and [00:28:00] does all of that for the people he was killing? 

Various: Yeah. 

Ian: And you put it all in context, you're like, wait a minute. Yeah. And I'm like, okay, if you're real, will you, I believe in God. If it's, you're the one, like, show me, please.

Yeah. Yeah. I end up, um, work kind of dried up, uh, for a period there because I'm self employed. And all I'm thinking about is him and I'm kind of like reading and carving and, you know, I started going to my garage and I started carving some wood. And the next thing I know, I'm carving a cross. I didn't really plan that.

It sounds silly to say it now because it wasn't like a premeditated thought. I just started doing it. And then I started carving designs on it. And then the designs ended up, I carved a person on it. I was listening to Christian stuff, like, questioning this whole time, like, asking and praying. But when I carved his eyes out, I felt his presence, his eyes looking at me.

And again, it's like I encountered what truth was. Truth himself came to [00:29:00] reveal himself to me, and I experienced what truth was, and I couldn't Refute it. It wasn't a thought. It was an experience that changed on the inside. This is what it is, by the way. You either accept it, or you'll be a fool. And I don't think I could even not accept it if I tried, honestly.

And I was just wrecked, and I fell to the ground, and I just had snot and tears coming out. And I was like, oh, there is a king, and I serve him, and that king is Jesus. And then I'm like, now what? Because I'm in my garage, I'm not going to church, I'm not a part of the community, do I like take off my shoes and walk barefoot like your dudes back in the day?

Like, what do I do? How do I serve you now? Like, I get it. I don't know what you want me to do. And that was a big bumpy road of figuring that all out. And I know we have time limits. I'll just jump a couple of years later and things weren't necessarily going that well. And I had a silly situation where my truck wouldn't start and needed to go to a food bank at this time.

I worked the next day, [00:30:00] and I found a place, the Salvation Army ended up going there to the food bank, and they're like, we don't actually do the food bank anymore, but, um, we have some food. And we start talking, and they're like, oh, what do you do? I said, well, I do construction. They're like, oh, we have all these projects.

So I started working there, and talking to the pastor and the pastor's wife, nice people, really nice people. And it was after a few days of, a few weeks, a few months, I'm trying to remember, I'm all emotional right now. All I can see is that light from the story and it gets me distracted. 

Jack: So I can only imagine.

Yeah. I'm so jealous of your experience. 

Ian: Well, he has some purpose for it. And I'm sitting there doing drywall finishing. I'm like skim coating on top of some tape. And he brought that experience back to me. And he's like, I just want you to know this was real. That was me. Because I didn't know what to think of what happened before.

Sure. And he goes, that was me. And I'm just breaking and [00:31:00] falling apart when I'm trying to like, stand right. Had the lady comes to the door and I'm just like, are you okay? And I share the story with her. She starts crying. I'm like, what do you want me to do with this? Like, I'm trying to function. Like, I feel like I can't, I can't even see the measuring tape.

Like what's going on. So I'm getting wrecked. I don't know where I was going with that. But the point was, I didn't know how to understand that experience. For so long. 

Various: Yeah, 

Ian: and so he put it in context and then I'm like, okay But the biggest thing I took away from it. It's like I'm excited to go home. I'm excited to go home 

Various: Amen, 

Ian: I don't want to like rush it.

I want to do whatever he wants me to do But I am so excited to go home, 

Jack: you know, we worship at our church we do that right and there's just some Sundays where you just You're like, is there other beings singing with us right now? Like this is too magic. This is, I don't want to use the word magical. This is too amazing for [00:32:00] 140 people to be singing together.

And it sounds and feels so powerful where I'm like, are the angels singing with us? You know? And yeah, they are. Right. They are. Oh yeah. They are. And I think sometimes we get glimpses of that. And I was that day I was, is I was in worship and I was, I just had this thought, like, this is so amazing. And I was like, But heaven is gonna be this, times a billion, and I think that is not giving it enough credit for what it's gonna be.

We can't conceive of that. We can't, right? Like Paul says, it would be unlawful for him to speak of what he saw in the heavens. Like, I just, we can't even think or imagine how, how amazing fellowship, seeing him face to face is gonna be. You got a glimpse of that, and even in your current life. Limited human capacity.

You can't even explain it perfectly because you don't have the capacity to, but you know that that's where you want to be. And I don't know, I don't know about you, brother, but I am fired up. All lit up, all 

Ian: [00:33:00] lit up in Jesus name. So, so I was like, preparing for this and I'm like, what, what do you want me to read right now?

Yeah. And I kept reading through different things and it was like, I don't know why this is important. He's like, for God so loved the world that he gave his only son that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. And I kept reading like, what, what is this all about? And I was like, oh yeah, if we believe this is a living word, like we're, we're stepping and living in eternal life.

Various: Yeah. 

Ian: Yes. Yes. And like, just. That one line. Eternal life. And if we're not living from that place that we've been given that liberation into eternal life, like, how much more are we missing? You know, and okay, I had that and it took me 20 years. I even had the experience. It still took him to put that in context for that to be seated in me.

I needed him even, even that 

Rob: was not 

Ian: enough for my human brain. 

Rob: Right. 

Ian: I needed his, the spirit within me to illuminate that going like, what does that mean, son? [00:34:00] Yeah. I'm like, Oh, Oh my goodness. And then the joy of, I'm going back to that, that's real, I can trust in that, I can rejoice in that. You 

Jack: know what's amazing to me, Ian?

I'm thinking about this right now. From your story that you share, you're literally dying. You're dying, right? Like, you were severely dehydrated, you couldn't move, and you woke up completely fine. You'll be brushed past that, I know. I brushed past that, like, yeah, that was a miracle, right? Yeah, it was a miracle.

You can't be that dehydrated and just recover and feel fine. 

Ian: Get up totally fine. I drank a quart of water and I was like, that's nice. Yeah, exactly. That's it. 

Jack: That was a miracle in and of itself. But the true miracle is you got to see a glimpse. 

Rob: Yes. Well, I mean, it's like a taste of glory. Like, how do you even explain that?

I mean. I mean, it's very clear. We don't have because we don't ask. Maybe as I hear your story, Ian, it's such a paradox. It's hard to even, like you said, explain. But the paradox [00:35:00] is, it is beautifully glorious, but then on the other side of the, of the threshold, it's unexplainable. Your posture is speechless.

It's terrifying. It's, it's the terror, and it's the beauty, and the beauty, and the terror, and it's the presence of Of the living God, His glory. 

Ian: I mean, yes, when I encountered Christ, the thing that felt the necessity for Him, was He loved me in a way like a human. Like, He wanted to possess me, it felt like, like a mother would.

Times God, times that, right? I couldn't, and I go, oh, I understand. Because God in this presence is almost terrifying. And Christ is like, I got it all here for you. This human form, and in this God, I can, I'm the bridge to that. Yes. And I'm like, Oh, and that's why we need you. Yes. Because it's that turned into something that we can directly interface with.

And it's like, that's what wrecked me in that moment. [00:36:00] Garage was like, you love me like I've always wanted to be loved because I felt the love of God, but it's almost like alien, incomprehensible. Christ was something I understood. Connected to something like, it was the merging of those two worlds. The mediator.

Yeah. He was the mediator. Yeah. 

Jack: And when you understand the full glory of God. Right. I mean, I think in heaven, we're going to grow to appreciate Jesus even more and more and more. Absolutely. Absolutely. That he would humble himself to take on our form so that we could interface with him. Right. We don't grasp, we can't grasp the magnitude of his choice to take on our form, pay for our sins, make a way for.

Relationship to be restored and then he's building us a home there. All right, 

Various: like, 

Ian: well, the world's always telling like, Oh, these apes, like, what was that? Ring a tang use medicine on space. We're like, see all these other things that could be human. It's like, no, no, no, no. We're unique. Yes. And like the world wants to tell you that you're not unique.

That's right. But [00:37:00] he's like, no, no, no. I made you specifically. And the angels look down right on us. Like they're made of dust. Right. Yeah. And yet we're seated in heavenly places. What does that even mean? And then we will judge the angels at the end times, right? Okay, so like, what are we? Yeah. And I don't think we can conceive when you look at it from your human mind, you only see it from that human perspective.

That's right. But to see it from his perspective, like it might be some marvelously beautiful creatures in his eyes. I don't know. I know we have our, our rags that we wear, but when we're covered in the blood, he sees us as spotless, right? That's right. Yeah. What does that 

Jack: mean? Yeah, I mean, I'm like, go ahead.

Yeah, I think we are like three year olds trying to understand what we're gonna be. 

Various: When we're 

Jack: 45. 

Various: Mm hmm. We just 

Jack: don't have the capacity to We just know that there is a future and a hope and that we will be something greater than we are now 

Ian: There's a future and a hope there's rejoicing. Yeah, because if we read what's in here we take it at face value There's nothing but rejoicing that we could do even [00:38:00] facing death.

Various: Yeah 

Ian: I mean we look at the Apostles like they were like whatever hang me upside down just don't hang me like him because that Oh, I'm not worthy of that. Yeah, hang me upside down. Thank you so much. 

Various: Yeah, right. Yeah, 

Ian: like I'm far from that But that's our example. Yep. I mean like The Great Commission hasn't stopped.

Yeah. 

Various: Yeah. 

Ian: Why don't we go out? If, if we get something that these other people don't like, why aren't we talking to everyone? Yeah. 

Various: Yeah. Amen. 

Ian: Because if, if, if it takes, how long was it till I came to it on my own? How many, how soon could I have been saved and had that experience walking with them the whole time?

Yeah. How much more usefulness could I have been in that time? Yeah. For other people. Yeah. And then now here, it's like we're saved, we're good, but like. We get to rejoice, like, death is not the end for us, it's the beginning of our eternal life. For everyone who's not in that, why aren't we taking the time to really offer that to them?

[00:39:00] Because it's a blip, and then their end is something different unless 

Rob: somebody speaks up. Your story, I mean, if I could, if I just put one word on your story, but yet it's everyone's story is desperation, like desperation, we would think is sort of manufactured. If I, if I'm desperate enough, then I'll get something or someone, and as you share your story in, like inside of you is a seed of desperation.

Well, because of trauma and rejection and things in your, in your family dynamic and all of those things. But the desperation of seeking truth never left you and I think that's so many people, but it's the distractions that sort of suppress that or try and rob that from ultimately being desperate. And when I think about the encounters that you've expressed and and of the experiences of God himself coming to you and Christ coming in his.

In the [00:40:00] necessity of Christ and the fullness of his glory. Could you say something to that? 

Ian: It's the gift of desperation. Yeah. So we look at the world. If you don't understand the world or the context of suffering without Christ. So there's a, why is there suffering in the world to drive us towards the truth?

Cause this is not the focus. The focus is what comes after the focus is to gather as many as you can. Now. To rejoice in that after, and like, if you don't have that desperation, think about those people where everything goes right, like, it. It's that crucial moment when they really enter into the relationship.

Like, what did it take Job to finally have that relationship? That was a lot of suffering before he stopped talking about God and started talking with God. You know, and apparently I'm a stubborn fool. But he's going to use that stubbornness to something good, I hope. 

Jack: So am I, brother.

Ian: I mean, it's a gift. 

Jack: And we need to share that gift with others. I [00:41:00] was reading this week, and I was in Psalm 107, verse 2, and it says, Has the Lord redeemed you? Then speak out. Tell others He has redeemed you from your enemies. Amen. It was one for me, an encouragement to continue the podcast. 

Various: Mm 

Jack: hmm. Right?

Yeah. This is an opportunity for people to share how God has redeemed them, rescued them from their enemies, whether that's the enemies from in us or the enemy outside of us. Right? That's right. As Rob says, the enemy and the inner me. That's right. Right, right, right. Right? There you go. Yeah. So, man, thank you for sharing, man.

I am Pleasure. I'm just so stirred after hearing your story. I know. I'm just all lit up. So what is God doing in your life now? Like, how is God using your salvation for the spreading of his kingdom? 

Ian: Well, I'm here now. Yeah. Um, I don't have a lot of free time. I'm busy with kids working and I guess that's my prayer.

I'm like, [00:42:00] what do you want me to do with this? 

Various: Yeah. 

Ian: I'll talk. I like, I want to study it more so I can understand who explained some of my experiences in context. Cause obviously this is the truth. And mostly just talking to people. I talk to whoever I can, when I can, when I feel called. That's the most of the thing.

I used to want to talk to everyone. And I'm not saying we shouldn't, but like, when that prompting is there, respond. 

Various: And 

Ian: not be afraid. And don't just talk at someone because you think you should, but when the spirit guides you. I feel like that's what it is, Ephesians. Walking in the spirit. Ah, yes. Yeah, yeah.

Keep in step with the Spirit. If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit. I don't know. There might be multiple meanings, but what that puts in my heart is like, if I'm listening to Him, if I'm putting a formula of what it looks like to serve Him, I'm not listening to Him. And so in every moment, like what it looks like to be serving him, it's me listening and listening to what that prompting is.

And I'll say a word to this [00:43:00] person. I'll reach out to this person, or I won't say something. And I'll wait. Because also in the waiting, we don't know what gift of desperation is happening in that other person. And maybe it comes, maybe I plant a seed and maybe it comes to another person, but. Living each moment, listening to what do you want me to do here, Father?

Various: Yeah, that's good. 

Ian: I'm doing, I'm doing plumbing today. What do you want me to do? Is it about the plumbing? Or is it about the client who, you know, I keep reading in Revelations and they're talking about like the rivers of life or the tree that has the fruit that's the healing of the nations. I'm like, is it a tree and fruit or is it the healing of the nations?

Like his reality and this reality merging together. Is it a river? Or is it life itself in the form of prefer like these two things that we that's is that what we are the merging of his realm and this place for like we're so generous in a foreign land, right? My kingdom is not of this world. So we serve a kingdom.

We're from another place serving in this one. So I don't I'm open to [00:44:00] whatever God has in store for me right now. It's talking to people like you. Well, that's 

Jack: awesome. Yeah. The benefit of it right now. I'm stirred up and encouraged. Yeah, sometimes our word is for those that are already in the faith and sometimes it's to bring others into the faith, right?

That's right. Out of curiosity, because this is an area where I struggle with, is strangers. Right. How do you, when you feel a prompting from God to talk to a stranger, what does that look like practically? Maybe a story. For people who are like me, who struggle with. Talking to strangers when we feel prompted.

Ian: If I'm honest, like some of the times I'll talk to people who are strangers, I don't even know, I don't remember the experience that well. 

Various: Okay. 

Ian: And it's like something just comes over and I start talking and I'll share this moment of intimacy and I'm like afterwards, like what just happened? Okay. And so to me, it's like, you're not sharing.

You, human, God's spirit in you. We're expressing his spirit. And when his spirit moves, we just get out of the way. Like I'm just praying like, Oh, I should [00:45:00] this and study this and I'm like, can you just take over and I've reminded I kept being drawn back to back Moses and Aaron. I'll give you the words that you need to speak.

Yeah. Okay. Right. Yeah. And so if we're in the fruit of the spirit, the spirit is evident in us and the fruits are the expression of that spirit residing with us. And so I would say you were struggling with maybe fear. So anytime I'm partnering with something other than the fruit of the spirit, I'm partnering, in my opinion, with another spirit.

I'm not partnering with his spirit, because the fruit of his spirit is evident. And don't get me wrong, I do that all the time. I'm struggling. But every time we think as a human, like, oh, it's okay, we all get afraid. I'm terrified to talk on the phone. I have horrible stage fright. I was like turning pink at first.

I felt like I was so nervous. Um, but it's like, whatever. Yeah, this is, you wanted me here. So you need the talk. Right. Yeah. And any single time I'm, Not [00:46:00] experiencing the fruit of the spirit. I must in some place that may be partnering with something else and it's not to blame myself or judge myself, but just to go.

Hey, I need you to do this anyway. So in that moment, you're sitting there like, I'm feeling hesitant. Who's who's making you hesitant who you partner? Yeah. And then you go, let me partner with you father. What do you want me to do? Because maybe he wants it. The enemy wants you to get distracted by an interaction.

That's not what you should be doing. Yeah. 

Various: Yeah. 

Ian: But maybe he wants to stop you. And that's where I feel like as soon as we make it formulaic and we're outside of that relationship where it's like, father, what do you want me to do? We leave room for what? Becoming like the Pharisees where it's not a connection.

It's a thought process that we've decided it means this, if I'm religious, it means this, if I'm connected to God, well, he says what it means. You're faithful. You're bold. If I'm not bold, then what spirit am I partnering with? [00:47:00] Cause I've struggled with like being overly confident and then fearful also.

Yeah. Well, boldness is something a little different, I would say. 

Rob: There's two words that are just really grabbing my heart. Like, and it's just two basic words. It's the, it's the difference between for and with. 

Ian: Yeah. 

Rob: And I think that 

Ian: pharaocetical 

Rob: idea comes from, well, God, I need to do this for you or I must do this for you.

When in reality, the invitation is. I want to do it with you, so do it with me. Like, let's do it together. And I think that comes from a realm that is accessible in Christ to, to actually partner with him. And like you said, in step with the Spirit, it's not lagging ahead. It's not going ahead or it's not lagging behind.

It's, it's in step. And I love that where time and time again, you know, like you said, Ian, like where you say something and In that moment, because God prompts you to do it, and you're like, I don't even know what I said in that sense, but you're seeing [00:48:00] life there. And I think that's the seed. That's the, that's the opportunity for growth.

And, and really, it ultimately just comes down to relationship. 

Ian: Yeah, I mean, again, I just pulled up to like the fruit of the spirit, like love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control. It's like, I think when we're in the spirit, these we're chasing after those things.

Instead of chasing after that communion with the spirit, and then these things become effortless, because it's an expression of the spirit. Instead of chasing after external look of being connected to the spirit, let me chase after being patient. Or let me be filled by so much love that patience becomes effortless.

And it's like, he loves us. Experience it, and then all of a sudden you're like, it's okay. I'm not worried about that. I'm not worried about death. I'm walking into an eternal life. I'm not worried about finances. He's, he's owns everything. Every cattleman, every hill. I struggle with that one a lot. [00:49:00] Why 

Rob: I'm partnering with well, Ian, thanks.

Thanks so much for sharing your story. I know there's probably so much that's left out. This won't certainly be the last time we have you on the show and thank you for sharing and those that have been listening. I want you to be encouraged by this truth that Jesus does in fact love you. The foundation of our podcast comes from Luke chapter eight where Jesus approaches a man who had been cast out.

From of society because of demonic oppression and possession and the life that was literally at the end of his rope and Jesus approaches him and delivers him, saves him, heals him, and in his awakening, he says, Jesus, I want to, I want to now. I want to walk with you, let me follow you and Jesus says to him, I want you to do this instead.

I want you to go back to your family and tell them all that I've done for you. And we say it seems every time after we [00:50:00] end an episode, this man goes above and beyond. He shares his story to all, I mean, who would listen, which I would imagine we can't even count. Uh, the many people that God put in front of him, I can't wait to meet this man in heaven.

Got a lot of questions, got a lot of rejoicing together, but he, and at the end of the day, so, so grateful that you came onto the show today to share your story. Uh, the best is truly yet to come. So so much for coming on and sharing your story. 

Ian: You're welcome. Thank you. 

Jack: Yeah. It was a real pleasure.

Everybody else. Stay tuned every Tuesday for new episodes.

Host: for listening to Jesus in my life. New episodes release every Tuesday. Subscribe on your preferred podcasting platform so you don't miss a single [00:51:00] episode. If you have enjoyed this podcast, please consider sharing this podcast with a friend or family member. If you would like to help our visibility online, consider rating us and posting a review on Apple podcast.

Have an awesome Jesus in my life story. Contact us at Jesus in my life podcast at gmail. com.